Da Adventures of FemEd!
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: Title to change when I think of a better one. Yus, Ed has been turned into a girl! Nyahahaha! What will happen? What chaos will pursue, when Ed venturs into the female world and has to face troubles like bra shopping, dates, female moodswings and periods!
1. Male to female

**Muahahahaha, I turn Ed into female! Fear meh awesome fanfic powers that I can do that with a very very very very ervy ervy ervy…did I just write ervy?! Shoot, that's a typo, meant to write very….um….yeah**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA….or Ranma ½. But da female version of Ed, I DO own!! In this story anyway. FEAR MY OWNERNESS!!**

Al looked at his brother's door, sighing. He had locked himself in there for three days now. All started on that Tuesday, when he came home in a rush all wet. _Wonder what happened…_Al wondered. He knocked on the door, "Brother, you okay?"

"Go away!" Ed said quickly.

Al blinked. Was it him, or was that a girl voice?! "Brother?"

"I'm busy, leave me alone!" Ed shouted.

Yup, that voice was definitely female. No doubt about it. _Ed's doin' something naaaaughty. _Al thought. "Brother…you getting laid in there? Cause if you are, hope your using protection." Al said casually.

"WHAT?!?!?!" Ed yelled, slamming open the door.

Al stared at Ed. "Who're you?" He asked. Hey, you would too, if your supposed brother was instead a very busty blond chick, though most guys would just drool and hit on her.

Now, let me draw you a mental pic of what Ed currently looks like. Ahem. Take Ed. Add bust. Make bust bigger. Take away sexy manly parts and substitute sexy _female_ parts. Add a pinch of darker color in his…her eyes, making Ed's eyes a pretty amber color instead of gold. Turn blonde hair golden. Mix it all together and you get this chick standing in front of Al right now.

Ed sighed. "I'm your brother….sister." He…she said, hanging his…her head.

Al stared. "You're a girl…"

"Yes Al, I'm aware of that." Ed said, gloom clouds forming around his…gah, I mean her head.

"Prove it." Al said, folding his arms.

Ed paled. "What, that I'm a girl? Um…" He…when will I get it right?! She started pulling off his…HER pants.

"NOOOO!!" Al yelled, stopping him. "I meant that you're Ed!"

"Oh…" Ed said sheepishly. "Um…"

"You're a shrimp." Al said.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL, LICE CAN PLAY SOCCER WITH HIM, I MEAN HER!!!" Ed yelled, flailing her arms. Whoot! Got it right!

"Ed, what happened to you?!" Al said, sweatdropping.

"You think I know?!" Ed said, pouting. "I fell into this spring and turned into a girl."

"We gotta find someone to help you! Like, a doctor or something!" Al said, freaking out. Wouldn't you if your sibling changed genders? Hell, I sure would.

"Right Al. We'll just march up to Dr. Phil and say 'Hey, I suddenly turned into a girl, what should I do Doc?'" Ed said sarcastically.

"Well, we have to do _something._" Al said.

Ed sighed. "I'm not sure..." She blinked. "Holy crap, I forgot about my assessment!" She yelled.

Al freaked again. "What are we gonna do?!"

"What else? Go to Central and lie." Ed said, marching out the door, with Al following behind.

Minutes after…

"AGH!!" Ed yelled.

"What is it?" Al asked, looking at his brother…sister. You can never get used to that, at least not in the first few pages.

Ed covered his chest. "This is sooo weird!" She exclaimed.

"What?" Al asked, unfamiliar with female problems.

Ed blushed. "M-my nipples are poking out." She said shyly.

Al blinked. "Um…"

"I mean, why must they stick out in the cold? It's so weird, right?" She went on, sighing.

"I guess…" Al said.

"BOO!!" Ayumi yelled, sneaking up between them. Ha, as if I'm not going to be in one of my fanfics. Especially one like this. Please.

"KYAAAAH!!" Ed screamed, in a very high pitched girly scream.

Ayumi blinked. "Al, who's this?" She asked, staring at Ed.

"Um…that's just…m-my….um…" Al stuttered, trying to come up with a lie.

"I'm Al and Ed's cousin, Elda!" Ed announced, smiling widely.

"Oh, really…?" Ayumi said, circling around her, examining.

"Yes, I moved into them for a visit." 'Elda' said nervously.

"Liar." Ayumi proclaimed, pointing dramatically at Ed.

"What? No, it's true!" Ed insisted.

"Lies! Lies I say!" Ayumi said through a microphone she got randomly like in those manga I adore oh so much.

"No!! It's not, I swear!" Ed said.

Al sweatdropped. "This is soo strange…"

"Your not Elda like you presume, are you?!" Ayumi said. She leaned real close to Ed's face, hands on her hips. "You're Ed, right?"

_Oh, crap!_ "N-no…" Ed muttered.

"So, you're Elda, eh?" Ayumi whispered.

"No. I mean, yes." Ed said quickly.

"Hmmmm…" Ayumi stared at Ed's face, then kissed her full on the mouth.

"AAAAGH!!" Al yelled, covering his eyes. "YUUURIIII!!!"

Ed turned red, pulling away. "Blech, that's disgusting!" She said, spitting.

"I KNEW IT! YOU ARE ED!!" Ayumi yelled, pointing at Ed again. "You can't deny a woman's heart!! Only Ed's that fine a kisser!"

"Shhh!!" Ed yelled, covering Ayumi's mouth. "Fine, I'm Ed." She whispered.

"Ohmigosh, Ed! You fell into Nanichaun? (I spelled that wrong…)" Ayumi said, looking shocked.

"Wah?" Ed asked.

"It means "Spring of Drowned Girl"." Ayumi explained. "A long long time ago, I was pissed off and cursed this valley of springs, so whatever drowns in it makes it so whoever falls in it will turn into what drowned there!"

Ed deadpanned. "That's nice of you…" She said weakly.

"Well, you must know how to change Ed back, right?!" Al asked, all excited. Flowers were whizzing around his head, and if this was a manga, which it's not cause it's a fanfic, the words "whee!" and "yay!" were hanging around his head.

"Nope." Ayumi said, causing Al to have a face plant.

IF you don't know what that is, you are very stupid or haven't seen much anime.. Let me explain. Face planting does not have to do with planting your face into the ground like some seed. It's an anime/manga action when the character suddenly hits the ground face first when something shocking is said. Very funny to see, not so much to feel though.

"Sorry, I was pissed. I don't know what I'm doing." Ayumi said, shrugging.

"All hope is lost…" Ed and Al said together, sitting on the ground with gloom clouds and those weird line thingies that always pop up. They were looking very poorly drawn indeed, with tears running down their face.

"Uhuh…well, I'm heading down for Central. Got the assessment thingy due." Ayumi said.

"We're going there to." Ed piped up.

"Awesome, well, grab on." Ayumi said, grabbing Ed and Al before making them disappear. They reappeared in front of Roy's office.

"How'd ya do that?!?!" Ed asked, completely shocked at Ayumi's awesome teleporting skills.

Ayumi brushed off her sleeve.

"Well, Ed. Being the author of a fanfic that your in, gives you many things indeed. Like the power to kill anyone I want, making them come back to life at the next chapter as if nothing happened, baffling the readers." Ayumi said, smiling.

Al stared at her.

"I believe Slinko did that in that Klondike bar story." She said, thinking about it. "GREAT JOB, SLINKO!!!" She shouted, though Slinko was unfortunately nowhere to be seen. Hopefully updating a fanfic.

"Well it's time to….go into Roy's office…" Ayumi said fearfully and slowly, staring at the door. "But not until I close the chapter in a very cliffhangery way, yay!!"

And with that, the chapter closed.

---

**Ah, a female Ed. Now Ed's hotness can be shared for all peoples. But….GASP, will Ed be my very hot hunk of man-candy every again?! Only readers of Ranma ½ will know da truth! And you too, once you read the next chapter, gasp!**


	2. Flirting with Roy

**CHAPTER, TRA LA LAAAAA!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: ……………………………………….**

**Yay!**

**---**

Okay, where were we in the story? Ah yes, Roy's office.

Ayumi kicked open the door and pointed her hand like a gun at Roy. "FREEZE!!" She yelled.

Roy looked up from his paper-coughporn- work. "Hello Demonic Soul Alchemist." He said dully, then looked back.

Ayumi stood up. "Call me Ayumi!" She said, chucking something at Roy.

Roy rubbed his head. "What do you want Ayumi?"

"Assessment." She announced, scratching her head. "Just hook me up with those battle ones and I'll be set."

Roy sighed. "Another battle?"

"Yeseree Bob." Ayumi said.

"I'm Roy."

"Course you are! Oh, and this is Elda. Ed sent 'er." Ayumi pushed Ed in front of her.

"Oh, why hello Elda." Roy said, zooming up to Ed. Obviously thinking she's hot and ready to make a move on her.

"Hello." Ed said, resisting the urge to kick Roy hard in the nads and run like hell.

"Hi, my name is Roy Mustang and my rank is Colonel. I don't believe I've seen you before. Of course, how can I forget such a pretty face?" Roy said, winking.

_Daaayum, he's making a move on her like my first day with him!_ Ayumi thought.

"Oh, well…I've known Ed and Al all my life…we're cousins…" Ed said, glancing at Ayumi.

"Ah, well. You must be just fighting all the guys off where you live." Roy said, sitting on his desk again. "Call me whenever you need help." He jotted down his number and handed the little card to Ed.

Ed stared at the number. "Will do Colonel." She said sweetly, pocketing it and vowing to murder him.

"So, why're you here Elda?" Roy asked.

"Oh, Ed's just sick and was wondering if he can have his assessment moved." Ed said, shaking his head. "He's just so delicate when he's sick. Can you do this for him?" She asked, her finger over her mouth.

Roy blinked. "Well, he's assessment isn't due for another…3 weeks." Roy said, checking the papers.

_Crap, it is?!_ "Oh, well…th-that's great! I'm sure he'll be feeling better soon." Ed said.

"Anyway, about my battle…" Ayumi slammed her hand on the desk and smiled at Roy. "Since last time, I kicked your ass, I want a harder opponent."

"Hey, I let you win!" Roy insisted.

"Yeah, yeah. So I wanna battle Fullmetal, pronto! At least, when he gets better." Ayumi glanced at Ed, who was freaking, and smiled.

"Okay, but it has to be after the dinner, okay Ayumi?" Roy said.

"I don't have to go this year, remember?" Ayumi sighed. "After what happened last year, I doubt I'm allowed."

"Ah, yes. Well, I'll be seeing you there Elda. You and Fullmetal of course."

"Y-yes, of course." Ed said, forcing a smile.

_**Later at Ed's house…**_

"I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE DINNER!! WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!" Ed yelled, running around in circles.

"Wait a sec." Ayumi said, grabbing Ed by the collar.

"Gack!" Ed said, getting choked by her pulled back collar.

"There's an easy way to solve all this. Just some simple transmutations and WOULD YOU LISTEN WHEN I'M TALKING!?!" Ayumi yelled.

"Oxygen…" Ed said, making a funny face involving those lines on her forehead, bugged out eyes and a foaming mouth. Heehee, I can imagine that in a manga.

"Whoops, sorry sorry." Ayumi let her go. "Okay, all I have to do is transmute myself into 'Elda' and you stay Ed; then transmute into you if you change into Elda."

"Problem. How do I change back into a guy?" Ed asked, folding her arms.

"Oh, I didn't tell you? Very simple, just splash on some hot water." Ayumi said, pouring boiling hot water onto Ed's head.

"OW, HOT!!!" Ed yelled, flailing his arms around.

"See? Masculinity." Ayumi said.

"Huh? Wha? Huh?" Ed said, patting his chest. "Ha! I'm a guy again!"

"Okay, so you put this on." Ayumi said, pulling out a black tuxedo.

"Um…okay." Ed started putting the tux on, turning his back on Ayumi. When he was done, he turned. "Okay, done…WOAH!!!"

"What? Don't like my dress?" Ayumi asked. She had already transmuted herself to look like Elda, and was in a golden strapless, sleeveless, backless, short dress, with her hair flowing and curly on her shoulders.

"W-w-w-waaaaah???" Ed said, staring and pointing.

Ayumi posed, keeping her face straight and innocent. "You no likey?"

"Why are you wearing that?!" Ed yelled.

"Because I like this dress." Ayumi said plainly.

"I CAN'T WEAR THAT!" Ed yelled.

"I don't want you too. But if you change, you have to. I'll just transmute your tux." She winked.

"B-b-buh-but." Ed started.

"We better go, the dinner's starting soon." Ayumi said, looking in a mirror and applying red lipstick and golden eyeshadow.

"W-w-wa-wait just a second!" Ed stuttered.

"Whaaaaat?" Ayumi whined, grabbing a black fur coat.

"This isn't going to work!" Ed said.

"Course it is. This plan's foolproof. Who says you'll turn into a girl anyway? Course, judging from the Ranma manga, there seems to be a lot of things that change him that way…hmm…" Ayumi was walking out the door, pondering aloud.

"Ayuuumiiii!" Ed whined.

"Don't worry Ed. You can trust me right?" Ayumi pouted at Ed.

Ed stared. "Um…"

"Riiiiiiiiiight?" Ayumi's eyes went all big and sparkly and kitten like.

Ed sighed, defeated. "Fine."

---

**I dun feel like writing more, yay!**

**I got DDR for Christmas. +o+**

**I can't wait for chapter 5. Ed gets her female thing in that chapter, yay! Must hurry and write.**

**But first dance to Xepner! SuperNOVA rules!**

**Anyone notice that Ed's girl name Elda is a combo of Ed and Al's name? Reverse Al and braid the letters. Weird, huh? Totally unintentional, I just got Elda from Chobits.**

**Oh, and review.**


	3. The Central Dinner

**I'm having waaaaaay to much fun turning Ed into a girl Buuut –shrugs- what'cha gonna do, right? I ENJOY turning Ed female.**

**And please please PLEASE review! Even if you dun have an account, I accept anonomonomous wait…anonymous reviews. –smilies-**

**Disclaimer: FMA IS NOT OWNED BY AYUMI ELRIC, BUT AYUMI, KIYOKO, REI ARUMATSU AND ELDA ELRIC ARE!! SO NO STEALY WITHOUT PERMISSION, KAY???**

**---LINE, WHEE!---**

_**At the Central Dinner…**_

Ed sighed. "This isn't gonna work…" He muttered to Ayumi.

"Shut the hell up…" Ayumi whispered back.

They walked inside, arm in arm. If you forgot, Ayumi was disguised as Elda Elric.

After narrowing escaping a bucket almost falling on him, Ed lead Ayumi to their table. He looked around. "You think he'll be here?"

"Who?" Ayumi asked, biting into some sample bread.

"Why hellooooo Fullmetal." Roy said sweetly, walking over.

"Fuck." Ed muttered.

"Elda! So you came, I'm glad." Roy said.

Ayumi smiled. "Glad to be here Colonel. And glad to see you." She added.

Roy grinned, slicking back his already slicked back hair.

Ayumi suppressed a gag.

"So, why isn't Ayumi here? Besides the fact that she was banned for nearly destroying the place last time. I thought she'd sneak in anyway." Roy said, looking around.

"Why I outghta…I wouldn't have destroyed it if Bradley didn't make fun of my height." Ayumi growled under her breath.

"Shh!" Ed hissed.

"Complementary tea for the guests!" A waitress said, rushing past and holding a glass of ice cold water. "Oh! My hand slipped!" She exclaimed, tripping and spilling water on Ed.

"Eek! I dropped my purse! Ed, help me find it." Ayumi said, pushing Ed down under the table.

"I knew this would happen!" Ed hissed, shaking water out of her hair.

"Just…" Ayumi reached up, grabbing some tea and dumped it on Ed's head.

"Hey!" Ed said, pushing his dripping hair out of his face.

"Just transmute it off." Ayumi instructed.

Grumbling, Ed clapped his hands and transmuted the tea to evaporate.

"Oh, HERE'S my purse!" Ayumi said loudly, coming out from under the table and bringing Ed up. "I'm sorry about that."

"No problem." Roy said. He looked up. "Oh, there's the Fuhrer. Be right back." He rushed off.

"Why don't we just leave?! It'll be no good if someone sees me transform." Ed said.

Ayumi looked around. "No, we need people to see us together. Takes away suspicion that you and Elda are the same person." Ayumi whispered.

"Tch, fine." Ed said, sighing. He started to walk off, but tripped and knocked into the table, spraying ice cold water all over him.

"Oh, is that a dollar?" Ayumi zoomed under the table, dragging Ed under with her.

"What the hell are you doing?" She hissed.

"Oh, suuure, it's MY fault that I changed." Ed said, folding her arms.

"Fine, YOU be Elda then!" Ayumi said, clapping her hands and transmuting them both.

"Wait!" Ed started, tugging at the dress. "I can't be-"

Ayumi pulled Ed out from under the table.

Roy was walking over with Riza and Bradley. "Ah, Fullmetal, Elda, there you are!"

Ayumi waved.

Ed cursed under her breath.

Riza blinked. "Who're you?" She asked Ed.

"I'm Elda Elric, Ed and Al's cousin." Ed said quickly.

"Oh, well, nice to meet you." Riza said, shaking her hand.

"Same here." Ed said, smiling sweetly.

Bradley nodded at Ayumi. "Fullmetal…you like melons, right?" He asked, handing Ayumi a watermelon.

"Uh…thanks…?" Ayumi said, looking at Ed.

"Hope your enjoying yourself, Fullmetal? You…and Elda." Bradley said, grinning at them.

"Sure…lotsa fun." Ayumi said, grinning back.

"I'm loving it here in Central." Ed added.

"I'm going to the powder room to freshen up. You coming Elda?" Riza asked.

"Huh?" Ed said, before Riza grabbed her and started dragging her off. "Wait!" She struggled to walk in heels. "Dammit…!"

_**In the powder room…**_

Ed had her eyes covered, blindly standing in the powder room.

"What are you doing Elda?" Riza asked.

"N-nothing." Ed uncovered her eyes, completely embarrassed to be in a girl's bathroom.

Riza was reapplying her lipstick, and combing through her long blonde hair. "Ugh, I'm tired of Roy sucking up to the Fuhrer." She muttered.

"Yeah, he is acting like an ass." Ed agreed. "Um…I mean…"

Riza stared at her and laughed. "You're right, he is acting like an ass."

"Heh…" Ed nervously looked at the door. "Shouldn't we go back now?"

"?" Riza blinked. "Uh…sure."

They walked out, Ed stumbling a bit.

Outside, Roy, Bradley and Ayumi were laughing like they were old buddies…and drunk.

"You should've seen his face! He was like 'ZOMG!'" Ayumi said, making an exaggerated surprised expression.

Roy and Bradley cracked up.

"A- I mean Ed. Come over here for a second." Ed said through gritted teeth.

Ayumi blinked. "Sure." She walked over. "What's up?"

"We have to go now, I think they've seen us enough." Ed hissed.

"Awww." Ayumi pouted. "But I _just_ got to the punchline of my joke."

"Forget that Ayumi! You know how _hard_ it is to be a girl??!" Ed said.

"Oh no, of course not!" Ayumi said sarcastically.

Ed glared. "Be serious."

"I am." Ayumi said innocently.

"Can we please go now?" Ed begged.

Ayumi pouted and sighed. "Fine." She said, grabbing Ed's arm.

"Hey, Fullmetal, Elda, where you going?" Roy asked, still giggling.

"Elda's not feeling well, so I'm taking her home." Ayumi lied.

Ed nodded. "I'm sorry." She mumbled.

Roy shrugged. "See you tomorrow then?" He asked hopefully.

Ed forced a grin. "Yeah, tomorrow."

Ayumi pulled Ed outside.

"We are _never_ doing that again." Ed said, glaring at Ayumi.

Ayumi blew on her bangs. "Fine. But you do look fantastic in that dress." She said.

"Just change back and shut up." Ed muttered.

**---WHOOOOOT,LIIIINE!!!---**

**Okay, I ended that slightly to quickly. But the writer's block got to me and I wanted to hurry and get to later chapters. **

**Please review, you all know how good they make me feel. And they're the only thing I like counting!**

**KAZANA!! –whoosh-**


	4. Bra shopping

**GASP!! I've _finally _updated! I really love writing this. And well, I realized while playing _Chicken Invaders _ that you can only kill so many chickens before getting bored. So I thought 'Ah, what the hell! FemEd!' And here we are now…AND to the readers of Ranma ½, I WILL be adding in Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, etc. So wait for them!**

**SIDCLAIMER: Ayumi Elric doesn't own FMA, etc. AND she spelled my name wrong! How cruel of her! AND she rubs salt and other unpleasant things on the wound by not doing to correct her typo because of lazyness and like, NO concern for my account!!! That hurts my feelings! Boo hoo!! –runs off crying-**

**---NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!---**

"Ooooooo, Edooooooooo!" Ayumi called, skipping into Ed's room.

Ed looked up from the little book he was reading. "What is it Ayumi?"

Ayumi smiled. "How ya doing with the whole, transforming stuffs?"

Ed blinked. He scratched his head. "Well, it's been about 3 weeks. Kinda used to it…I guess…"

Ayumi nodded, looking thoughtful. "So…you've learned how to use the bathroom, right? Learned you can't stand up and pee when you're a girl yet?"

Ed looked away. "Well how was I supposed to know?"

"You should've learned this kind of stuff Ed."

"Well I know now, alright?!"

"But not until _after_ all your piss was on the floor."

"Is there any other reason you're here besides bothering me about that??!"

Ayumi nodded innocently. She splashed water on Ed.

"Waah! Cold!" Ed shouted. She glared at Ayumi. "What was that for??!"

Ayumi ignored her, going through Ed's drawers and closet. "Mmmhmm, just as I thought." She looked at Ed. "YOU DON'T OWN ANY BRAS!" She declared, pointing an accusing finger at Ed.

Ed's face flushed. "I'm a _guy_, Ayumi!"

"Psh, I know that! But you can't be walking around without any-" She waved her hands around. "You know, can't think of the word right now." She snapped her fingers. "Cleavage! That's the word…I think…"

"?" Ed blinked.

"You don't even have any girl clothes at all! And no bathing suits either. You _are_ aware that you can never go swimming as a guy, right? Cold water." Ayumi explained.

Ed groaned. "Great."

"Don't fear! Ayumi's here! I'm taking you shopping!" Ayumi said, smiling widely.

Ed blinked. "Shopping?" She scoffed.

"Yup! For bras, bathing suits, etc." Ayumi said.

Ed stared at her. "No way." She said firmly.

"You have to go. You want Mustang to be ogling at you if he catches you as Elda? With a bra, he can at least ogle without seeing much. Kinda…"

Ed sighed. "Fine."

"YAY!" Ayumi squealed, grabbing Ed's arm and running out the door.

_**At the woman's department…**_

"Um…Ayumi?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we go now?"

"We haven't even started Ed."

Ed groaned. She watched Ayumi going through a bra rack, totally dreading the moment when she has to try them on.

"Hey, Ed?" Ayumi looked up.

"What…?"

"Do you know your bra size?" Ayumi asked.

Ed stared at her. "No."

"Hmmm…" Ayumi stared at Ed's chest. "I'm saying D cup, damn." She shook her head. "_So_ unfair." She muttered, picking out a few bras before stuffing them in Ed's arms and pushing him into a changing room. "And you're not getting outta there until we find one that's good."

Ed whined, banging on the door. "Ayumiiiiiii."

"Wish upon a star, believe in will, the realm of the king, of fantasy." Ayumi sang loudly.

"You're so mean." Ed sobbed weakly.

"Get used to it. At least try one Ed."

Ed sighed. "Fine." She picked up a light pink one and stared at it. "Ayumi?"

"What _now_ Ed?!" Ayumi almost yelled.

"I…I don't know how to put a bra on." Ed admitted, sobbing.

"Shit." Ayumi mumbled. "Just…figure it out!" She said finally.

Ed stared at the bra more, completely confused. She started slipping out of her shirt and tried pulling the bra on.

"Okay Ed, I'm gonna be in the next room, 'kay?" Ayumi said, leaving before getting an answer.

"Ayumi, wait!" Ed called after her. "Ah, damn." She muttered, trying to clasp the bra. "Rrg, how do you do this?!"

Outside, a group of girls were chattering about…stuff. "Ohmigawd!" One squealed. "I know!" Another said in astonishment. "Oh, this is SO cute, I'm gonna try it on!" One of the girls said, waving around a lacy bra in one hand and a coffee in the other.

On her way, the girl tripped and tumbled into Ed's dressing room. (No doors, just those flimsy curtains.) Her coffee flew out of her hand and splashed all over Ed.

"Oww, sorry about that." She said, rubbing her head and giggling. "You oka-" She froze, staring at Ed.

"Uhhh, it's not what you look like." Ed said quickly, flinching as he said. Smooth, that didn't sound guilty at _all_.

"AAAHHH!! PERVERT!" She screamed in horror, covering her face.

"Dammit!" Ed yelled, jumping up and climbing over the edge of the dressing room. He stopped immediately, seeing the next stall full of a fat, old woman, trying on bras. The horror! He quickly scrambled to the other side of the stall.

"Phew." He sighed, sliding down the wall. He turned to leave, and found himself face to face with Ayumi! Dun dun duuun. She was juuust in the middle of changing into this really cute blue bathing suit. It was a one-piece, and came complete with a transparent jacket.

Awkward moment. Ed and Ayumi stared at each other. Ayumi's amethyst eyes were fixed on Ed's face, wide and sparkling. "S-s-sorry." Ed stuttered, forcing his eyes to stare at the floor instead of Ayumi's chest.

"E-ed." Ayumi started.

"…yeah?"

"….are you wearing a _bra_?!" Ayumi smirked.

Ed crashed into the floor, anime style. "This is all your fault!" He said, ripping the bra off.

"Yeah, everything's my fault." Ayumi confessed sarcastically. "See, you're lucky you're with me. I thought ahead." She said, tugging a bottle of water from nowhere and dumping it on Ed's head. "Now that I think of it, we're about the same bra size, so….yeah."

"Sometimes I think you do this on purpose." Ed said, glaring at Ayumi and squeezing water from her braid.

"Moi?" Ayumi asked innocently. She sucked on the tip of her finger. "Why would I do that to my Edo?"

Ed looked away. The cuteness was just too much to bear. "Whatever, let's just go."

"Okay, I just…wanna find something out." Ayumi turned her back on Ed. "Ed…" She whispered in full flirt mode. "What do you think…" She slid off the jacket and one-piece until about midway of her back and smiled over her shoulder at Ed.

Ed's eyes widened. "W-w-wha??"

Ayumi ripped off the rest of her outfit in a dramatic flourish. "Woah!" Ed exclaimed, blood gushing from her nose.

"See? Isn't this just the cutest bathing suit?" Ayumi asked, posing. It was a red, backless two piece, tied together from the bottom on a little golden loop at each of her sides.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you?!" Ed yelled, covering her nose with her hands to try and stop the blood flow.

"What? I just wanted you to see my new bathing suit." Ayumi said with a pout.

"Why you little…" Ed growled, stomping out of the dressing room.

"Ed, you idiot!" Ayumi dragged her back. "You're not even wearing a bra on and you're gonna strut around and let pervs ogle at you?!"

"W-well…"

"Be glad I thought of everything." Ayumi thrust a short black dress into Ed's arms. "Hurry up and change into my dress." She said, pulling her long jacket over the bathing suit.

"I-I can't wear this!" Ed screamed, holding it out.

"You have no choice, cause we ain't going back and finding your clothes."

"Waaaaah." Ed wailed, pulling it on.

---

**Okay, ending it now. Next chapter will start off where we left off! I got a great idea from my friend..nyehehe…**

**Please review!**


	5. PMS and Sex Ed?

**MYAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'VE BEEN WAITING TO PUT UP THIS CHAPTER, AND IT'S FINALLY UP!! **

**Oh, and boys aren't really advised to read this chapter. Lotsa girl things happening. But, if you must…-shrugs and walks off- -mutters 'Perverts'- No, I kid. But I'm warning you…**

**Disclaimer: Ayumi doesn't own FMA, but soon she'll download ALL the episodes, so check out the AMVs she makes! –commercial voice-**

**--LINE-OF-FEMALE-HORROR!!!!-**

Ayumi had already started to realize that Ed was acting very, very strangely.

For one, he was even moodier then usual. He'd be super hyper one moment, then suddenly screams at you and stomps off the next. Another thing, he seemed to have a lot of stomach problems, like cramps and crap. (Not actually crap! Just, like an etc of sorts.)

And third, he suddenly had a strange urge to eat chili. It was strange.

There's only one thing that could be wrong with him. "Ed's pregnant!" Ayumi decided aloud while buying more chili. The checkout man stared at her, then muttered something under his breath.

"It's possible…some of his…yeah, coulda went in when he changed….holy crap." Ayumi said quietly. She shook her head. "Impossible…maybe it's…" She gasped. "Oh no, I have to warn him!" She grabbed the chili and ran off.

"Hey! You didn't pay!"

-

Ed was in the bathroom, about to take a nice, hot shower. He just happened to be a she, dripping wet with freezing cold water. She peeled her jacket and under shirt off, tossing them onto the floor.

"ED!" Ayumi screamed, kicking down the door.

"EEK!" Ed screamed, covering herself. "Ayumi, what the hell are you doing?!" She seethed.

"Damn, how was I supposed to know you were half naked?" Ayumi blinked. "And as a girl too….you weren't looking at yourself in the mirror, have you?! Pervert!"

Veins popped all over Ed's head. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" She shrieked.

"Sorry." Ayumi muttered. "Quick Ed, check ya underwear!!"

"What the?" Ed stared at her. "Have you been sniffin' somethin'?"

"Course not!" Ayumi replied in an annoyed tone. "But there was some pretty darn good smelling candy on my way here…" She said distractedly.

"Whatever, just go away so I can take my shower!" Ed snapped.

"I said check ya underwear, dammit! Its important!"

"Fine! Just…look away!"

"Ed, we're both girls. Nothing to see that'll interest me."

"I still don't want you to see me naked, I'm a guy half the time! Look away!"

"Pfft, fine." Ayumi turned irritably.

Ed make sure she couldn't see, then quickly took off his pants and boxers and whatnot. And then..he saw it…

"Ohmygawd!!" Ed screamed in a very high pitched voice.

"Yeeeup, I knew it!" Ayumi said with a sigh. "I was hoping too, usually when this happens the guy doesn't get them…"

"Get what?! Am I sick?! Am I gonna die?! Eeek, I'm gonna die! Gawd, help me! Mommy!"

"Ed, snap outta it!" Ayumi yelled. "And put your pants back on so I can tell you what's wrong."

After Ed did what he was told, Ayumi stared him hard in the face. "Ed…you just got your period."

Ed blinked. "What's that?"

Ayumi groaned. "I have to explain?" She sighed. "Ooookay, when your body kinda…" She waved her hand around, trying to come up with the word. "Thinks your pregnant…"

"WHAT?! I'M PREGNANT?! I DON'T WANT A BABY! I'M TOO YOUNG, HELP!" Ed screamed, running around the room, waving her arms up and down.

Ayumi caught her by the collar and dragged her back. "No, ya idiot! You're not pregnant! Would ya let me finish?!"

Ed looked down. "'kay." She said quietly.

"As I was saying, since your body thinks you're pregnant, it makes these layer things inside you for the baby to grow." Ayumi explained dully.

Ed watched her, starting to pale.

"When your body realized there's no…fertilized egg in you…then it gets rid of the layer, and the egg. That's a period." Ayumi finished quickly.

"Fertilized egg…?" Ed asked.

Ayumi paled. "Um…after the male thingy goes into the female thingy and stuff happens…" Ayumi said, making a circle with her fingers on her right hand and pointing with her left and making her pointed finger go in and out of the circle.

"Then the things go _whee!_ And one of the things meet the thing and things do things and yeah…" Ayumi finished pathetically, sighing, depression lines **(calling that until I get the real name)** under her eyes and on her forehead. **(btw, this is how I usually describe it, so if you're confused, don't be. I barely understand what I say too.)**

"You mean we stick our…and then we…and then….EWWWWW! EW EW EWWWWW!!" Ed screamed.

Ayumi nodded. "Yes, it's very um…'ew'."

"EWWWWWWWWWW!" Ed continued to shout.

"ED!" Ayumi yelled. "Shut up! I know it's frigging gross, alright?! Gawd, you annoy the hell outta me sometimes."

"Sorry…" Ed mumbled. "It's just…"

"Can't believe you never heard about this before." Ayumi said in awe. "How the hell did you think babies were born?"

She shrugged. "I dunno…just thought that like, the baby grew in a mother's stomach, without…that happening.

"Amazing…" Ayumi shrugged.

"Wait…does this mean that…._I_ can get pregnant?" Ed asked nervously.

"Actually…" Ayumi's eyes widened. "Crap, you can! Holy…"

Ed groaned. "Great…"

------

**Whee, must end it now, cause I don't want to go to far. Next chapter will be longer, I promise!!**

**Please review!**


	6. KISSED!

**Short chapter, I apologize for that, but like…yeah, this is all I could think of. XD Next one will be longer, I have more I could do. **

**Disclaimer: I hate these. DX Anyway, there's no freaking WAY I own FMA or like..yeah. **

**-OMG-**

"Ayumi, why do we have to go to Central now? Can't we go later? And why did I have to wear this dress, isn't it a bit…revealing? I hate this." Ed whined, squirming around in her seat. Her, Al and Ayumi were on a train to Central (which they've been on for 2 days now). Ed was wearing a short black dress with spaghetti straps and straps where the middle of the dress should be, but weren't. And also two long black gloves but that's not important.

"Ed…I've been listening to you complain for 2 freaking days straight…so, do you mind giving us a favor and shutting the hell up? Thanks." Ayumi smiled, going back to doodling sharpie hearts on the window.

"I don't want to." Ed pouted, starting to poke Al. "Al, is there any more chocolate?" She sang.

Al sweatdropped for the umpteenth time today. "Stop asking me that, you ate it all yesterday."

"That's not fair! I WANT CHOCOLATE, DAMMIT!" Ed stomped her foot. "What about chili?"

"You ate that too." Al answered.

"DAMMIT, there's nothing to eat here!" She folded her arms. "Are we there yet?"

"No, Ed…wait, yes! Finally!" Ayumi cheered as the train stopped.

"YAY!" Ed dashed out of the train, sprinting towards HQ.

Ayumi and Al stared after her, their hair all messed up from the sudden wind that had followed Ed. "This can not end well." Ayumi sighed.

-

And now we go back to where Ed was running towards HQ. Men kept whistling to her and etc, but she basically ignored them. (meaning, she ran over to each of them and drove the heels of her shoes into each of their manly parts XD )

Then she somehow uh…trying to think of something…oh yes! She tripped and fell flat on her face. I don't blame her, have _you_ ever tried to run in high heels? It's very difficult.

"Miss, are you okay?" Said a mysterious, deep and very sexy voice. Ed answered by cursing loudly but sounding muffled since her face was still on the ground. Whoever just talked now laughed and started to help her up.

Ed mumbled her thanks, looking up at her helper. And gasped. It was Roy! Ha, bet'cha didn't see that coming (ya probably did, oh well)

"Oh! Elda, hi!" Roy said cheerfully, beaming at her. "Glad to see you again, you feeling well?"

"You see the amount of blood spurting out of me and ask me that again." She said under her breath. Then she blinked and smiled. "I'm feeling great!"

"I'm glad." He said, starting to dust her off. She twitched, smiling weakly and pushing his hand off her. "I've been meaning to ask you-"

"Uh…what?" Ed asked quickly.

"Well, if you weren't doing anything on Saturday, would you like to come with me for dinner or something?" He asked smoothly.

Ed felt a blush creep across her face. "Um…I'm doing something on Saturday so-"

"Think about it, okay?" He asked before planting a kiss on her lips. (Group gasp!)

Two things happened in seemingly the same time. One, Ed turned completely red and pushed Roy off. And two, Ed got completely and utterly…angry. Actually, furious, livid, enraged, all synonyms for really REALLY mad. It's up to you wither this is because she…he was just kissed by a guy, or that PMS-ing is being an influence on his temper. Either way, Ed was angry.

So, she did the only proper thing to do in these types of situations. She slapped him hard with her automail arm which noone seems to notice since it's under her glove.

Roy staggered back, a large red handprint almost glowing on his cheek. "Ow!"

Ed threw him a murderous glare before spinning on her heel and running off, stumbling a bit which kinda ruined the moment, but whatever.

Any guys who saw that started cheering Roy on as he smirked. "She so wants me." He said smugly.

**-ZOMG- **

**LMAO! That was fun to write! XD Please review! It'll make me update a bit faster…(maybe) **


	7. Temper Tantrum

**I shall begin by just saying this...-ahem-**

**DX FEMED IS NOT YAOI DAMMIT! NOT YAOI NOT YAOI NOT YAOI NOT YAOI NOT YAOIIIIIII!**

**Okay, I'm done. -cough-**

**Disclaimer now located on the bottom of the chapters!**

Ayumi and Al were just getting off the train when they both noticed a dust cloud rapidly speeding towards them. They blinked simultaneously, then looked at each other, sweatdropping. A second later, Ed was in sight, running towards them with a fire in her eyes and veins popping on her head.

"Oh...crap...DUCK AND COVER!" Ayumi yelled, pushing Al back into the train before following him in. "Actually, on second thought..." She blinked. "Dun wanna hurt no innocent bystanders." She muttered, pulling him back outside.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE HIM!!!" Ed screamed as soon as they were out, flailing her arms like woah.

"Who? What happened?" Al asked, sweatdropping again.

"He! He did it! I hate him! Dammit, dammit, dammit!!!"

"Uhhhh..." Al sweatdropped yet again. "Let's try again, alright?"

"Wait!" Ayumi gasped. "You met up with Roy, he asked you for a date and before you could answer he kissed you on the spot!"

"Yes!"

"Woah..." Al stared at Ayumi. "How'd ya know?"

"Because Roy did the same to me when I first met him." Ayumi hung her head in shame. Ed and Al stared at her.

"Uh...well...forget that!! HE KISSED ME DAMMIT! ME!! I'M A GUY!" Ed shouted.

The whole area went silent. Ed blushed, looking around nervously. "Uhm...I mean...I'm already with a guy?...yeah..." Gloom clouds formed around him as the crowd moved away muttering to themselves.

"Smooth Brother...very smooth..."

"Who's this guy and why haven't I met him?" The two snickered.

"Oh shut up! If you guys won't help me, I'll get him myself!!!" And with that, Ed turned on his heel-quite difficultly I might add- and sped off in the other direction.

"...huh?"

-

Roy was working oh SO hard on his paperwork in his office. And because that's highly unlikely, he was sneaking peeks at the porno magazine under the important documents every so often, giggling to himself. That's what he was doing when his door suddenly slammed open.

Ed stood at the doorway, looking sexy and manly with his hair dripping wet over his face and steam puffing above his head. Roy stared at him, trying hard not to laugh. "Fullmetal...are you...wearing a dress?"

"What?!" Ed looked down and turned red, yelping and closing the door quickly. Roy burst out laughing for the next few minutes until the door slammed open again, this time with Ed panting with his normal outfit on.

"No, what was the point of that, Ed?" Roy asked, snickering to himself.

"Oh, shut up!" Ed stomped over to the desk, slamming his fists on it. Roy blinked at him. "Something wrong?"

"Of course there is you...you...you **_bastard!_**" Ed punched the center of the table, making it split in half instantly.

"M-my porn!" Roy squeaked, jumping back and doing the hand thing they do in Ranma 1/2 that I can't describe, dammit..."What did I do?!"

"You know very well what you did, and if you _ever _do _anything _like that again, I will kill you!" For emphasis, Ed pushed Roy off his chair and threw the chair out the window.

"I'm sorry! Roy wailed, crawling into the corner and cowering.

"Good!" Ed gave him one final glare before running out of the office.

Roy let out a sigh of relief, standing up and picking up his magazine. He giggled to himself again.

-

Ayumi and Al were standing outside the train sharing a bucket of popcorn; still not knowing why they haven't moved from the train side yet.

"Ever wonder how they get these kernels into the popcorn?" Ayumi wondered aloud while spitting kernels at people who walked by.

"Uhhhh..." Al noticed Ed stomping his way over. "Oh! Hi Brother."

"Ed...you're a guy..." Ayumi started slowly, staring at him.

"Yeah..." Ed blinked. "That's because I _am_ a guy."

"Idiot! That's interaction with your two...uh...-cough- organs...which you shouldn't do while having your period!" Ayumi told him in a hushed voice. "That could get you pregnant."

"What?!?" The two Elrics exclaimed.

"Why didn't you tell me before?!"

"Because...I thought it was obvious." She blinked.

"Oh...well...I've only been a guy for a few minutes. That's not enough to get myself pregnant, is it?"

"Yes, actually."

Al's cute wittle eyes widened. "Brother, hurry up and turn yourself into a girl again!"

"Gah, dammit!" Ed ran off again.

"Ahaha, so entertaining." Ayumi commented, smiling. Al stared at her.

---

**Whee, I'm done! n.n Even though it took me longer because I lost half of the chapter and had to rewrite it...yeah!**

**Please review!**

_© Copyright 2007 Ayumi Elric (FanFiction ID 1136837 ). All rights reserved. The series Full Metal Alchemist(Hagane No Renkinjutsushi) belongs fully to Himoru Arakawa; usage of her series and character is entirely borrowed. All rights reserved for plot, not to be stolen, copied or reproduced without the permission of Ayumi Elric._


	8. The dreaded pregnancy test!

**I'm laughing too hard to talk, I love this chapter.**

**---**

_One month later..._

"Hey Ed!!!" Ayumi called, slamming the door of his room over. Ed, in his female form, was sitting on the bed reading something. She looked up, glancing at Ayumi before looking at her book again. "Hey Ayumi."

Ayumi grinned all neko like. "Soooo?"

Ed blinked, halting her reading once more. "So what?"

"So! How's your period doing?" Ayumi asked, grinning more. Ed wrinkled his nose and shrugged. "I didn't get it."

"Didn't get it???" Ayumi's eyes widened.

"Yeah. It was only a one time thing, right? Just to get rid of the...egg..." Ed shuddered at the word. "Ah, no, there are about 50 thousand eggs in the female body." Ayumi answered, a sweatdrop hanging on her head.

Ed stared at her. "_Damn_. Oh well, just didn't get it."

"This could only mean one thing..." Ayumi muttered slowly in a dramatic, forlorning tone. "To the pregnancy test!!!" She cried, pumping her fist in the air.

"The what?!" Ed yelped before Ayumi grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the room.

-

"Okay, here ya go!" Ayumi thrust a small stick thingy into Ed's hand. She stared at it for a long time before blinking. "The hell is this?"

"Pregnancy test!" Ayumi giggled at Ed's expression. "And trust me, this is the most advanced technology you'll ever pee on."

"...huh???!"

"Just go!!!" Ayumi pushed Ed into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning on it, waiting. She heard Ed zipping her pants and pulling them down, fangirl thoughts filling her mind. She covered her mouth, giggling wildly to herself.

"Ayumi!!! How the hell do you pee on this thing?!" Ed yelled from the bathroom. Ayumi went into a laughing fit, covering her mouth again. "J-just...hold it and pee or something!"

"Ugh...why do they make it so damn hard?" She heard her whine.

"It's a lot easier when you can aim, isn't it?" She asked, falling to her knees to laugh all over again.

"Yeah, it is...I mean...shut up!!!"

Ayumi couldn't respond now, as she was rolling on the ground laughing wildly and being unable to breath. Al walked past, stopping to stare at her. "...do I want to know?"

"Ed...bathroom...taking...pregnancy test!!!!" Ayumi made out between mad bursts of laughter. Al stared at her. "Yeah...don't wanna know..." He muttered, shaking his head and walking off.

About 5 minutes later when Ayumi partially got control of herself, she stood up and knocked on the door. "You done peeing yet?" She asked, snickering. The door opened, and Ed stood up, staring at the stick with a frustrated look. "I dunno! I don't get this thing!"

"Lemme see." Ayumi peered at it, which clearly read **"HOT'CHA MAMA, A BABY'S ON ITS WAY!" **as it flashed different party colors and emitted small tufts of confetti. She blinked rapidly. "Odd..."

"So, what? Did it work? Did I win?" Ed asked.

Ayumi grinned slightly. "Yeah. Turns out you're pregnant!"

Ed gasped in horror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

_30 minutes later_

"OOOOOOOOOOO-"

"OKAY, I GET IT!!!!!" Ayumi finally shouted, covering her ears. _Cheese and rice, since when did Ed have such a lung capacity??!_

"I can't get pregnant! I'm a guy! And I'm only 16! I can't be a Daddy! Or a...Mommy! Or a...whatever! I'M A GUY!"

"Yes. Yes you are. A _pregnant_ guy." Ayumi nodded slowly. "...wow, this'll be a hit on Oprah."

"Forget Oprah! This is like, the fricking apocalypse here! I'm pregnant, dammit! PREGNANT!" Ed spazzed, clutching his hair and running around Ayumi in circles.

"My child is going to have a parent that's both their mother and father!! Do you have ANY idea what that's gonna do to the kid?! NO, you don't! He's gonna be mentally scarred!! Hell am I gonna explain it!?! 'Hi Junior, don't mind me, I'm just an asexual freak!' NO! That's not gonna work! Oh, how am I gonna explain this to Al?! And Winry! Oh, and that bastard, what'll he think if he sees Elda pregnant and he finds out it's MY kid! Incest much! I'm ruined, ruined! My life is over! Over, I tell you, over!!!!!!"

Ed halted, stopping to catch his breath and noticing Ayumi staring at him, looking through a camcorder that shouldn't even exist at the moment.

"What! The! Hell! Are! You! Doing!?!" She shrieked, veins popping all over her head.

"Recording you. I gotta show this to Al later." She replied, giving her a thumbs-up. "Always looking out for you Ed!"

"Yaaargh!" Ed screamed, stomping out of the room. Ayumi giggled, stopping the recording. "Man, that guy's funny..."

_9 days later_

Ed was sitting on the couch in his(her at the moment)'s living room, sulking. He was looking quite round around the tummy indeed, and was moping while crunching on ranch style potato chips.

Al and Ayumi both walked into the room, talking about someone unimportant when they both stopped and looked at Ed before bursting out laughing.

"It's not funny! How would you like it if you had to lug around this thing all the time!?" Ed wailed, flailing his arms around.

"I'm sorry, Ed! It's just you...fat...bwahaha!" Ayumi covered her mouth to disguise her wild giggles.

"Yeah, Brother. I mean, you really shouldn't have grown the baby in so fast..." Al told him.

"It's probably hormones or something, I dunno! Blame my asexuality!!!" Ed huffed, making Ayumi crack up again.

"Anyway, we're heading out for the movies. Wanna come?" Al asked. "And yeah, I know, movie theaters haven't been invented, blame the authoress."

Ayumi whapped him as Ed thought about it. "Sure, I'll-ugh!" He suddenly gasped, clutching his stomach and wincing.

"Gasp! Brother, you okay??"

"...feel wet..." Ed mumbled blankly. Ayumi gasped. "Your water broke!!!"

"Eh?" Ed and Al asked together. Ayumi sighed. "Boys...that means the baby's coming!"

"What?!?! You have babies in 9 months, not days!!!!" Ed wailed.

"Blame your asexuality! Now since the hospital's too far away and I don't feel like going anyway, you're gonna deliver the baby here!"

"WHAT?!?!"

"Shut up and start pushing!"

"AAAAHHH!" Ed screamed, suddenly sitting up in bed. He blinked, his breath coming out in pants. He stared down at his stomach, patting the hot, bishi skinny-ness. "Only a dream..."

"Waaaah!" 5 random babies in cradles all around his bed suddenly started bawling, all of them looking exactly like Ed. Can you imagine the kawaii-ness?!

"AAAHHH!" Ed screamed, once again waking up to find he was dreaming again. "Phew..." He sighed, lying down again. "Glad it was only a dream..."

---

**Thanks to Sapphire and Manga or ideas of this chapter! Hope ya'll liked it! **

**Please review!**


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